Rinoa the Avon Lady
by Naomimon
Summary: Dedicated to Kain. Rinoa gets a new job as an Avon lady. I would give warnings but no one seems to read them.


This fic is dedicated to my number 1 fan Kain! Thanks for the comment man. I've seen the error of my ways. This is for you man!

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**Rinoa the Avon lady**

Rinoa was so excited about her new job. She was the new Avon lady for the Timber area. Squall was so proud of her. He moved the entire Garden next to Timber just to be close to her. They were so in love. All their friends were happy for them and the female students at Garden were jealous of Rinoa's good looks. She's just so awesome, and she smells very nice too.

On her first day she wore a beautiful outfit that Selphie helped her pick out. She wore her gorgeous long raven hair in a bun and looked very professional indeed. She gave Squall a long passionate kiss before she left because they are in love and he's not attracted to men at all, especially not Zell.

She went through Timber, door to door, selling her wares and doing a very good job of it too. Everyone commented on how beautiful she was and how good her personal hygiene was. It was above standard. That was how amazing she was. She farted rainbows that smelt of lavender. Oh the wonders of Rinoa the magnificent.

She was about to head back to the Garden for some well earned heterosexual sex with her one true love Squall when she noticed a small cottage just outside of Timber. It was a perfect little cottage with a perfect rose garden. "What a perfect little cottage!" She thought. "It's just the place I would like to settle down with the love of my life and start a family."

She walked down the perfect path towards the perfect door and rang the perfect doorbell. A lovely little man opened the door. Why it was none other than the well respected actor Tom Cruise, who is not part of a hokey cult. He dazzled her with an enormous smile.

"Oh my god!" Rinoa exclaimed. "You're the enormously talented Tom Cruise!"

"Why if it isn't the most beautiful Avon lady in the land!" Tom said. "Come in and let me buy some of your products for my lovely fiancé Katie Holmes who is away being reprogramed- er I mean studying with our fellow Scientologists."

Rinoa entered the cottage and was seated in a quaint little kitchen.

"May I offer you some tea?" Tom offered.

"Why tea would be lovely." Rinoa said placing her bag on the table.

As he was handing her the tea he accidentally spilled it on her lap. "Oh clumsy me! I was distracted by your extreme beauty."

"Oh my beautiful clothes!" Rinoa wailed.

"Don't worry," Said Tom, "It was my fault so I will let you borrow some clothes. We can't have a beauty such as yourself travel home with a stain on your beautiful outfit. I insist you send the dry-cleaning bill to me."

"Why you are so kind." Rinoa said.

Tom lead her to a bedroom and handed her some clothes to put on. She put on the white robe with curious deep red stains on it. "What a strange taste in fashion these movie stars have." She thought.

As she left the room she noticed that the quaint little cottage had taken on a more sinister look. She went back to the kitchen but the room was not as she'd left it. The room was completely bare with a stone table in the middle. The whole room was lit with candles. She walked towards the table, clearly confused, when suddenly she was struck over the head from behind by a twisted looking dwarf with sharp crooked teeth and long demented claws.

"The sacrifice is prepared!" He exclaimed with delight as he dragged her limp body towards the alter.

Rinoa awoke with a foul taste in her mouth. The dwarf had shit in her mouth while she was asleep. She saw the dwarf standing over her. "Tom!" She exclaimed.

"Yes! It is I in my true form!" Tom said. "And now I need your soul to feed my army of the un-dead!" He cackled. "Hi-hee-ho!" He climbed onto the alter and stood over her. "The time for the ritual is at hand." He proclaimed before taking out his penis and urinating over Rinoa's face.

"But what about all those nice things you said about me?" Rinoa sputtered trying not to swallow any of the urine.

"Lies! All lies!" He cried. "I know you are a witch and you have many under your spell but once your soul is mine the clouds will be lifted from their eyes. They will remember you for the horrible foul demented creature that you are!" He laughed loudly. Pulling out a large knife he stabbed her in the abdomen. He pulled out her liver and started eating it. He then shoved his hand inside the cavity he had created and pushed it into her chest. He pulled out her heart and pushed in into his anus to stimulate his prostate. He then proceeded to fuck her intestines. By now Rinoa was long since dead but he did not stop. Pulling out of her intestines before he ejaculated he instead ejaculated over her face which had twisted in pain before she died. He pulled out a spoon and scooped out her eyes and licked them both before shoving them up her vagina. By now he was hard again. He used his knife to slowly hack off her head and then fucked her neck stump. He cut out her tongue and ran it up and down his erection. He shoved his blade into her butt and sliced in and out before fucking it like crazy. He pulled her stomach out and ate its contents. This ritual lasted long into the night.

Meanwhile the spell over the Garden was lifted. Squall realised that he was in love with Zell and they had steaming homosexual anal sex for three days straight. From that day on everybody lived happily ever after except of corse Rinoa who died a horrible death worthy of the worst heroin in video game history. She smelt bad too.

The end.


End file.
